Anyone who has watched ESPN the past day saw Kenny George, a 7’6 junior center from UNC Asheville get dunked on by Tyler Hansbrough from North Carolina. When I saw this dunk happen, it led me to ask a few questions, and make a few comparisons. In this blog entry I will try to answer my own questions, and make my comparisons.
#1. There is a 7’6 kid playing NCAA basketball?
A) He has played the past 2 seasons for UNC Asheville. His sophomore season he averaged a whopping 10 minutes and 5.5 points per game. This season he has averaged 22.3 minutes per game, averaging 12.8 points per game and 9.4 rebounds.
#2. How does a guy that plays for UNC Asheville in the Big South Conference average less than a double-double per game.
A) A couple of reasons. One the Big South isn’t terrible. Winthrop plays in it, the team that scored a 1st round upset of Notre Dame last season, and ruined ACC Miami’s perfect season this year. Also, the team has yet to play a conference game. I would hope that he at least goes off for 20-10 when his team goes against 6-9 Charleston Southern.
#3. How does UNC Ashville get a kid who is 7’6?
A) He sucks.
#3. Should we go easy on him because Tyler Hansbrough is a lead candidate for NCAA player of the year?
A) NO! Tyler Hansbrough is white. Now let’s not start a racial war here, but we all know by the movie staring Woody Harrelson that white men simply cannot jump.
Plus George is 7’6. Let’s put this in prospective. HE DOESN’T EVEN NEED TO JUMP TO TOUTCH THE RIM! Use your toes or whatever. A guy that is almost a foot shorter than you, and also white, should not dunk over you like that. George was quoted after the game, saying, “I forgot to jump”. Do you forget to breathe? Do you forget how to use the bathroom? If so, do you need a coach to teach you how to breathe and use the bathroom? Because if you forgot to jump you’re retarded. UNC Ashville needs to look at its admissions department if you truly have to “remember” to jump while playing basketball.
Now that we have answered those questions let me compare Mr. George to some other people that are softer than he is in my life. When I played baseball, we use to have to wait for the basketball team to finish practicing before we could practice baseball in the basketball gym (It’s an Ohio thing). Well, there was a forward who stood at 6’6 that played both basketball and football (The kid now plays offensive line for a D-I school, I will not use his or his schools name). The coach told the team that, he would give this kid 3 chances to dunk a basketball. If he was successful in the slam-dunk, the team could go home. If he couldn’t dunk, the team had to run 5 suicides.
Attempt number one…. Slipped out of his hand before even reaching the hoop…. Attempt two… DOINK!…. Attempt number three… TWO HANDED SLAM DUNK OFF THE BACK OF THE RIM WHICH ALMOST REACHED THE CEILING… Five suicides for the whole team.
Dude you’re 6’6, that’s 5 inches taller than me. If you give me a hoop that is 3 inches lower than regulation I will slam-dunk any basketball you give me. There is no reason why at 6’6 you shouldn’t be able to dunk a basketball given three chances.
Up to this point, I have been fairly nice; I didn’t use that guy’s name, but now let’s embarrass people. The school I attend is Youngstown State, which plays basketball in the Horizon League. Guards essentially dominate the Horizon League (see Butler). Well, there is a 7’0 kid that plays for the University of Illinois Chicago (UIC). You would think that a 7’0 tall kid in a league full of guards would be able to dominate. Thing again. Scott VanderMeer is a transfer from Bowling Green and has been officially knighted as the Horizon League “tooth pick”. Guards and forwards alike batter and bruise Mr. VanderMeer and limit his minutes in Horizon League games.
But the biggest softball and toothpick ever to live is… Shawn Bradley. Anytime sports center devotes a top-10 segment strictly to the times over your lifetime that you were dunked on, you are screwed. (My favorite Dunk being #6, Chris Webber’s Nutt Burrito on Shawn) Bradley who is 7’6, the same height as Kenny George ironically enough, finally called basketball quits in 2005. His legacy lives on though. We have plenty of YouTube videos to last us a lifetime of dunks over Shawn Bradley. There are only two NBA basketball players who have not dunked on Shawn Bradley. #1 being himself, and #2 Earl Boykins.
You can teach basketball skills, you can make people stronger, and you can even make somebody faster. One thing you cannot do is make someone taller. But for god sakes, if you’re 7’6 you should dominate every basketball game you play. People like Kenny George will play in the NBDL league forever. Every pro team will take a chance on a 7 footer, and the memories of slam dunks will live in our memories forever. Thank god for YouTube!
